Tigglesworth

If you like sarcasm, satire, and opinions, this is the blog for you!

Category: Ramblings

An open letter to Iogo

Dear cunts,

 

Please fire the motherfucker who designed this fucking Iogo Nano bullshit for the love of fucking god.  I can’t believe you ever let this bullshit slide like it’s normal; this shit is cruel and unusual.  Who the fuck’s idea was it to put the epitome of delicious, thick, rich, creamy goodness into a god damn motherfucking thimble.  I could wear these stupid shitty yogurt cups as pinkie-toe warmers, you slow god damn bastards.  I know they’re supposed to be for young kids, but I don’t know any 5-year-olds who would be satisfied with a single fucking half spoon-full of the best yogurt they’ll ever taste.  There’s a special place in hell for dumb shitty plebeians like you who tease people with just enough yogurt to taste, but not nearly enough to enjoy.  Fuck you.

 

Now that I’ve had to go through three stupid fucking packs of this shit to finally bring my total mouthfuls of yogurt up to 2, I’m still not bloody fucking satisfied.  Thank you, you stupid shitty god damn motherfucking shit-eating fuckin’ cocksucking dickpirates for making me waste my fucking money on this shit.  You insensitive fucking pricks.  I’m done.  I’m sticking to greek yogurt.  You’ve fucking done it, Iogo.  You’ve crossed the fucking line.  I’ll see you in court.

 

I hate you with every fibre of my existence,

-Tigglesworth

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Cyber-bullying

Lately, anti cyber-bullying laws have been arising in a lot of different places (including Nova Scotia, where I reside).  I couldn’t even believe it when I first heard that there would be legal consequence for cyber-bullying… and, after hearing a lot of arguments in favour of such laws, I do understand where they’re coming from with it.  Am I in favour of laws controlling how people treat others on the internet?  Absolutely fucking not.  It’s censorship to a great extent, and it’s completely unnecessary.  In case nobody’s noticed, you’d be hard-pressed to find a website that doesn’t offer the possibility to “block” and “report” users who are harassing you.  And actually, they don’t even need to be harassing you, you can just fuckin’ block ’em whenever you feel like it, it’s not particularly difficult.  If somebody’s continually messaging you on Facebook saying hurtful things, the “block” button isn’t exactly a hidden feature.  Bloody fucking use it.

 

It should be the responsibility of the webmaster of any given website to moderate and govern the happenings on their sites.  Or, on websites where users can potentially abuse other users, perhaps they should write a very clearly-worded and difficult to not notice warning stating that other users may have unkind things to say to you, and you should be weary of that if you think it would be a threat to your self-esteem or well-being.  If people want to say unkind things about you, power to them.  They have every right in the world to state their opinion of you; sure, perhaps it’s unnecessary and distasteful, but it’s their choice to make.  If webmasters don’t like abusive content on their site, then they can react to it accordingly – the content (inside of the law; no CP, etc) on their website should be up to them, ultimately, not up to how the government dictates people can interact with each other on social media.  Fuck censorship, and fuck you if you’re too stupid and shitty to find the motherfucking “block” button.  Open your god damn eyes.

 

If you’ve been victimized by a cyber bully, I urge you to simply block them.  You’ll make your life a lot easier.  Don’t believe anything they say about you; they’re just looking for a reaction, it’s not even fuckin’ worth it.  That person doesn’t deserve criminal consequences and a criminal record just because of a stupid thing they said on the internet.  Get the fuck over it.  Somebody thinks you’re a bitch?  That’s no reason to get the Feds involved.  And if you think it is a good reason to get the Feds involved, maybe you’re actually just a fucking bitch.  

Feeling argumentative

I’ve been greatly lacking inspiration lately to write anything, and I just need to be intellectually stimulated.  If anybody has a spare bit of time to exchange a few emails, drop me an email at tigglesworth1@gmail.com stating some point about some social, political, economic, etc. issue and I can almost guarantee you I have an opinion on it; and if my opinion mirrors yours, I’ll just argue for the other side, I don’t give a shit.  Somebody fuckin’ challenge me.  

 

Damn, it’s been a long fucking weekend (UPDATE)

If I actually have anybody who reads my shit consistently enough to notice, you might have noticed that posts from my have been sparse the past few days; I had a busy fucking weekend.  I was all over the place, getting stoned at a bunch of different friend’s houses and playing video games, and what have you.  This contrasts heavily against my usual “stay the fuck home” plans, so it was different.  So, for once in my boring life I decided to go out somewhere and stay out of home for a while, and I caught a cold.  A fuckin’ nasty one too.  I sure do hate this miserable world we live in.

So, I’m going to try to keep posts coming consistently after today.  I’ve been writing a lot of free-verse poetry lately, and I might try to find another thing I’m good at too so that this doesn’t just turn into a free-verse poetry blog because that’d be silly.  God damn, I’m pretty stoned right now to be honest, so I’m having difficulty focusing on exactly what I should be writing.  Perhaps I’ll write a free-verse poem.

-Tiggles ❤

The Annapolis fucking Valley

Welcome to my “home”; inhabited by some of the most undesirable, arrogant, ignorant, prejudice, moronic, mouth-breathing fucking rednecks imaginable, with their tasteless disregard for the well-being of others, and their insufferable, self-righteous self-absorbed notion that they’re entitled to every good thing on this planet without ever having to do a good thing for another human being.  Fuck you and your destructive nature, and your assholery; I could do without you cunts in my life anyway.  This entire beautiful chunk of land that we live on has been ruined, polluted, and disgraced by all the shitty people here; and even if they didn’t fuck it all up, it still wouldn’t be worth being here anyway.  I’d appreciate it greatly if somebody would come along and exterminate all these pests that exist here, and leave only the very few people here who are actually worth the oxygen that they breath.

To anyone reading this: Nova Scotia is an incredibly shitty and undesirable province to be in, no matter where you are.  If you ever find yourself unfortunate enough as to be in NS, at the very least do yourself a favour and steer clear of the Valley.

A message from the government of Canada. (ie, Tigglesworth)

I love you, you fucking cunt.

Dear everybody,

That means you.  You’re a douchebag.  You’re that asshole who can’t seem to figure out how to park between two white motherfucking lines, and for some reason feels the need to take up a portion of what would have been somebody else’s space.  You’re that self-important pretentious bastard who orders lattes that regular functioning human-fucking-beings can’t even pronounce and sits there sipping it while shopping for antique lampshades on his iPad while wearing a fedora like the stupid sheep he is.  You are that bitch at high school that enjoys making other peoples’ lives shitty because your life is good because you’re unreasonably hot.  I hate your fucking guts, you spineless shit.

You.  Me.  Everybody; you.

You’ve given me all the strength I could have ever asked for to continue existing on this planet that we don’t seem to belong on.  With all these other people, who don’t seem to have been granted the mental capabilities necessary to get along with each other.  With a population of people that were all given brains that are incompatible with the brains of others, forever incapable of ever fully understanding what another person thinks, feels, sees, hears, smells.  Because in comparison to your own palette, your own senses and sensitivities, you’re experiencing something entirely unique from everyone else.  You, I love you anyway.  Me.  Everybody.

When I look at you, I see me reflected back.  I see the same old tired eyes and worn out face and half-assed false smile.  Our struggles are equal, regardless of how we perceive them individually, you know, and I feel your stupid fruitless relentless petty pain.  I love you.

Don’t ever change,

-Tigglesworth

Suspension

Howdy, readers!

Today at school, I got suspended.  No, I didn’t beat the shit out of another student, or act violently in any way.  I didn’t make a violent threat, or any other threat toward another student or their safety.  I didn’t disobey anything my teachers told me to do, or speak out against them in any way.  Allow me to illustrate the basic idea of what happened…

Other student: “I want to buy something.  I have like a dollar fifty in bitch change.”

Me: “You mean, like, Jew change?” *jokingly

Other student: “Yeah.  Jew change.” *laughing

Teacher: “Hey, you can’t say ‘Jew Change’.” *chuckling

Me: “Oh, okay.  Sorry.”

Now, that should have been the end of that exchange.  We went about the rest of the day normally, and I never heard another thing about it.  He had corrected me, I accepted the correction, and had no intention of repeating it again; the lesson was learned.  At the end of the day, while waiting for my ride home, the same teacher pulled me aside, and told me that he talked to the principal about what happened, and they decided that I should be suspended for it.  I said okay, and that I understood that school board policy dictates that they have to punish me for it anyway… but honestly, I’m pretty fucking baffled.  Why was a suspension necessary?  

What they’re doing is putting my education on hold for a harmless comment.  My “punishment” is that I have to sit at home browsing 4chan and masturbating instead of doing school work.  I didn’t need to be suspended; I wasn’t threatening the safety of anyone else, I wasn’t bullying another student, I wasn’t doing anything that could have in any way harmed another human being there – and if somebody was hurt as a result of it, I was corrected and school life went on as usual.  This has been the first time I’ve been suspended since grade 6 (in an equally as ridiculous situation where I said the words “damn it” after dropping a pencil), and I feel – as I did then – as if I’m being victimized by a set of rules that shouldn’t even exist.  Or at least, that shouldn’t be nearly as fucking strict as they are.  All it takes is a 6-week-old brain-dead abortion with fucking autism to see that a suspension benefits nobody in any way.  It doesn’t reinforce the lesson I learned, it just makes me hate this schooling system more and it gets me a day behind on school work.  Fuck you, AVRSB.  I hope I return to school and you punish me for exercising my freedom of speech here, you morons.  

What’s even worse is, it’s not even an uncommon occurrence for people to be suspended for small slips of the tongue at my school.  Like, come the fuck on, just correct people, have them accept that they misspoke and understand that it wasn’t appropriate, and then let them get on with their education.  Your job isn’t to make it difficult for us to learn.  I’m not angry though; I’ll enjoy my day of 4chan.

-Tiggs 

A human being should never hit another human being

Something about when people say “a man should never, ever hit a woman” kind of rubs me the wrong way.  Don’t get me wrong, I completely agree with it, but I don’t think it quite goes far enough.  No, a man should never hit a woman – but is it perfectly okay for a woman to hurt a man?  Why do you never see people saying that, why do you never hear of all the women who are physically violent toward men?  A man who hits a woman is considered a scumbag and a waste of human flesh (which he very well may be), but a woman who hits a man “probably had a good reason to”, and the man should “toughen up and stop bitching about it” or whatever.  Nobody takes it seriously at all, but it’s a serious problem.

I think a much better thing to say would be “a human being should never hit another human being”.  It’s simple, it’s easy to remember, it and covers everyone – it covers both genders, all ethnicities, people of all beliefs, disabilities, orientations, gender identities… when somebody strikes somebody else, the severity of that action should never be based on who administered the strike, and who received it.  This goes with the exception, of course, of a perfectly healthy adult striking anyone who is completely defenceless, such as a small child.  Why is this such a difficult concept?  I’m pretty sure my scrawny, peaceful, and physically weak self could get pummelled by some athletic female, and people would either laugh or just not give a shit.  Meanwhile, a scrawny, peaceful, and physically weak female getting the shit kicked out of her by a jock would be (rightfully so) considered incredibly disgusting and (again, rightfully so) yield hefty repercussions for the offender.  As a male in this situation, I definitely have the shittier end of the stick – I’m predefined as being an asshole, untrustworthy, unfaithful, violent by nature, sex-driven, etc. based solely on the fact that I have a penis.  And what’s worse is, this is completely normal and most folks don’t have the sense in them to see what’s wrong with that.

Violence is a terrible act, no matter who commits it, and no matter who receives it.  Remember this.

Live in peace, my friends.  🙂

-Tigglesworth

A guide to trolls

“Trolls” have been a common topic among many different media sources, from newspaper and magazine articles, documentaries, news stories, talk shows, and the like over the past few years, growing in concern over the effect they have on other internet users.  An internet troll, by definition, is somebody who intentionally irritates other internet users by saying things they don’t agree with, and/or saying mean or hateful things over the web.  Trolling, when done in harmless ways (which there is much controversy over anyway, whether or not there is any “harmless” way to do it) usually doesn’t tend to do very much harm, other than slightly annoy other internet users, which they’ll normally just scoff and ignore; however, to certain extents, trolling exceeds (what I consider) “acceptable” levels of trolling, and turns more into a problem.  I, myself, enjoy the art of trolling on the web… and sure, hate me for saying that all you like, but I’m going to explain myself here, and teach you how to protect yourself against trolls!

Note: content beyond this point may (definitely fucking will) contain language that those with younger ears aren’t “supposed” to hear.  Or read.  Just an FYI, there’s no real proper way to explain trolls without a lot of offensive language.

Trolls are kind of like the internet’s moron detectors.  Say, somebody goes into a Super Mario discussion forum, and makes a new thread entitled “sonick is betterr thn marrio”, and then go on to write a half-assed, terribly-spelled article with really silly points just to be ridiculous and stupid.  The people who reply to this thread with their angry, hateful comments about how that person must be mentally challenged to have those views are the morons.  God damn motherfucking red light right there bitches.

Troll:

sanic iz de bettr pokemon bcuz maryo runs slow3r

Morons:

MARIO IS BETTER, HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU EVER THINK THAT SONIC IS BETTER YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID, AND GO TAKE AN ENGLISH CLASS AND LEARN TO SPELL YOU PATHETIC STUPID FUCKING WORM PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON ALIENS WON’T VISIT US WAAAAAAH MOMMY SOMEONE HAS A DIFFERENT OPINION THAN ME

Troll:

Ur an noob niggr fite me irl

Morons:

*gets more upset and says more angry things and cries like a bitch, etc etc etc you get the idea*

Okay…. who is the bad guy here?  The one who went into this community looking to upset a few kids by stating an opinion they should have just been able to accept, or the ones who react to an opinion with hate and anger?  Of course, the trolls don’t actually type like that when they’re not trolling, and maybe they don’t have the opinions that they express online while they’re trolling, but they’re still opinions.  People just get upset and uncomfortable with people who have different opinions than them.  The kind of trolling I have described here is exactly what trolling should be: harmless, not personally offensive to anyone (except perhaps the troll), not personal at all.  You set out the bait (an unpopular opinion for the place you’re in), and you wait for idiots to flock around it like seagulls around a rotting mouse.

On the other side of the spectrum is what I think of as a pretty low-down and personal kind of trolling.  Say, like going on someone’s ask.fm every day of the week every two hours or so and saying something negative like “you’re fat” or “you’re disgusting”, “you’re a slut”, etc.  Or going on someone’s music covers and telling them they have a terrible singing voice, and to please get their voice boxes clipped.  Or harassing somebody enough on their own Facebook page that they’re forced to abandon it.  That’s intrusive, that’s interfering with that person’s life, and their interests and goals and happiness.  When you start to mock their existence and make their suffering a game, being just relentlessly mean, that’s not cool.  Trolls are supposed to be playful, never with the actual intention to cause anything other than a little frustration to someone.  Nothing personal, nothing long-lasting, nothing genuinely hurtful or mean.

I was never asked to plug their blog (and I never asked to, either), but I’m going to do it anyway.  Serendipity is a good fucking blog, and I recommend it highly for a lot of interesting and compelling posts about art and lots of other interesting things.  They recently wrote a blog about trolls, and a problem they had with trolls (or a singular troll, as it seems).  This post was kind of in response to it, because those who haven’t been around internet communities where trolls are regarded more as artists than annoyances don’t really understand why trolls do what they do.  They don’t understand why they like to make people’s lives miserable, and they don’t get why there exist people who could be so mean.  Truth is, most trolls are pretty friendly folks who like to joke around in a very different way than you.  Maybe some people fuckin’ hate it, but there’s not a whole lot that can be done.  So like… sorry about that.

And now, for the long-awaited answer for how to spot and deal with trolls:

Trolls are easy to identify because of a lot of things.  They follow patterns, most of them tend to act very similar because there’s a bit of a process to it.  Trolls like to share screenshots of the results of their trolling for humour purposes, so there tends to be a lot of inside jokes in the content itself (like “Jimmy Rustles”.  Never believe anyone who says their name is “Jimmy Rustles”.).  When you see people spelling way too bad, and it’s not even believable how poorly they spell, you’re probably dealing with a troll if they keep trying to start shit.    If people are throwing around racial slurs like punctuation, and trying their best to get people upset with them in that way, they’re definitely fucking trolls.  If anybody states a really absurd and ridiculous opinion, or tells a crazy story that definitely can’t be true and claims that it is, and stuff of the like, they’re trolling.  Trolls aren’t incredibly difficult to identify.

How do deal with them, though?  Don’t pay them a shred of attention.  If you’re on a site where you can block them, do it right away.  If they make another account to troll you, block that one too.  It takes way more effort for them to make another account than it takes for you to hit the little “block” button – they can make all the accounts they like, it’s only wasting their own time!  If not, don’t say anything.  Maybe drop them a comment like “obvious troll is obvious” or something along those lines, just telling them that you’re aware they’re a troll and you don’t particularly give a shit.  If they can’t get reactions out of people, they’ll go somewhere else where they can.  Reactionless people are boring.

-Tigglesworth

Bell Let’s Talk

Okay, so I’ve seen a bunch of shit about this “Bell Let’s Talk” thing where people talk about mental illness and they donate money or whatever.  I don’t think writing about it here is gonna get any money donated, and I’m not actually entirely sure how the whole thing works or what it’s all about, and I couldn’t really be fucked to look into it.  I’m not even sure if it’s still the Bell Let’s Talk day or whatever the fuck.  But, I do suffer from a mental illness known as anxiety, and I’m going to share my experience with it:

Now, all my life I was never a particularly normal kid.  I didn’t really like going outside that much, I hated (and still fucking hate) getting my hands dirty, I wouldn’t play in the mud with the other boys, etc.  Part of the reason I didn’t like going outside, other than how dirty it was, was because bees were there.  I always did (and still do) have an irrational fear of bees, and anything bee-like.  This is partially, if not completely, because my big sister told me when I was probably two years old that bees would, given the opportunity, eat me alive and leave nothing but bone behind.  Now, these days I realize that bees aren’t capable of such a feat – and if there exist bees that are capable of it, they’re deserving of the human flesh they can reap because of such a highly impressive accomplishment – but the fear stays with me still.  I know, after having being stung by a bee, that bee stings aren’t even particularly painful.  Still, the fear of bees stays with me.  Nobody ever really thought much of it until a few years ago, when I started having anxiety attacks.

Other than my irrational fear of bees up to this point in my life, I still was an incredibly nervous and “troubled” child.  I have a lot of nervous twitches and isms and fears that I shouldn’t have, and I obsess over details and get anxious when my obsessions can’t be satisfied.  Honestly, we probably should have realized that I had anxiety sooner, and we didn’t actually know what was wrong with me.  When I had anxiety attacks, I had no idea that they were anxiety attacks, and I was pretty convinced I was going to die every time (which kinda amped up the anxiety I was feeling a little bit, given that I thought I was fighting for my life).  So, a psychologist finally got to the bottom of the mystery, which probably wasn’t all that difficult because it was blatantly fucking obvious, and I got on some Prozac and went along my merry way.  After months of therapy, and 6 months of taking Prozac, and lots of pushing myself to the limit and suffering through things that made me scared on purpose in order to show my brain that the fight or flight mechanisms weren’t really necessary in the situations that it thought they were necessary in, I really made a lot of progress.  This was about 4 years ago, and it’s been a good 3 1/2 years since I’ve had another anxiety attack, and hopefully that lasts.  Thanks for reading my story.

-Tigglesworth