The Milkshake Experiment

by thetigglesworth

A few weeks ago, I formulated an experiment wherein I make a milkshake, and then record the number of boys who show up on my yard.  This experiment – done multiple times over the course of a few months – will eventually reveal the average number of boys to show up on my yard per milkshake.  This will make it convenient for single women looking to attract young gentlemen to their premises, and allow them to make a number of milkshakes according to how many fellas they would like to show up.  Say, if the number is 4 boys per milkshake, she would be able to make one-fourth of a milkshake for just one boy to show up, or half a milkshake if she fancies a threesome, or even make two milkshakes if she’s, well… in that kind of mood.  Having already conducted this experiment a few times, I’d like to release my findings so far to the scientific community for review, and in order to spark interest in my endeavours.

First experiment: 

8:02 pm:

The milkshake has been made, awaiting boys’ arrival.

11:54 pm:

No boys have showed up on my yard, calling off experiment.  Will attempt at a different time of day next time.

After the failure of the first experiment, I was still optimistic that a change in the time of day that it’s conducted would yield better results.  I figured starting in the morning, and running into the afternoon would be a safer bet.

Second experiment:

9:00 am:

Made milkshake, standing by for results.

11:34 am:

Mailman delivered flyers, dropped on front door step.  Boy count: 1.

12:20 pm:

Local politician came to try to coax me into voting for him.  Boy count: 2.

1:00 pm:

Calling this a day.  It appears that my idea to conduct the experiment earlier in the day was a fruitful one, I am pleased with the results.

As you can see, the total boy count between the two milkshakes was 2, meaning that (so far) the average boy/milkshake ratio is an even 1.  Also notable is that making the milkshake earlier in the day makes you far more likely to attract a boy to your yard.  If you’re looking to try this at home, but you don’t know how to make a milkshake, I suggest you learn how to properly do it first.  I could teach you personally, but I would be required to charge you for that lesson.

Until next time, my fellow scientisolololigists,