If you like sarcasm, satire, and opinions, this is the blog for you!

Month: January, 2014

Dream Journal #3-4

Yesterday, I kind of neglected to do a dream journal.  And today, I was considering not doing it, too, for the same reason.  Both days, I’ve woken up without the single slightest clue of what I dreamed about, perhaps because I haven’t had any dreams at all.  So you’re not going to see too many interesting things here, unfortunately. 

Although, looking at the whole thing, I’m really not seeing any patterns yet.  I feel like it’ll take a while before I do see any patterns that I can follow and identify, so we’ll have to see.  This whole series is more boring than I intended for it to be, and I apologize.  Eh, whatever.



A guide to trolls

“Trolls” have been a common topic among many different media sources, from newspaper and magazine articles, documentaries, news stories, talk shows, and the like over the past few years, growing in concern over the effect they have on other internet users.  An internet troll, by definition, is somebody who intentionally irritates other internet users by saying things they don’t agree with, and/or saying mean or hateful things over the web.  Trolling, when done in harmless ways (which there is much controversy over anyway, whether or not there is any “harmless” way to do it) usually doesn’t tend to do very much harm, other than slightly annoy other internet users, which they’ll normally just scoff and ignore; however, to certain extents, trolling exceeds (what I consider) “acceptable” levels of trolling, and turns more into a problem.  I, myself, enjoy the art of trolling on the web… and sure, hate me for saying that all you like, but I’m going to explain myself here, and teach you how to protect yourself against trolls!

Note: content beyond this point may (definitely fucking will) contain language that those with younger ears aren’t “supposed” to hear.  Or read.  Just an FYI, there’s no real proper way to explain trolls without a lot of offensive language.

Trolls are kind of like the internet’s moron detectors.  Say, somebody goes into a Super Mario discussion forum, and makes a new thread entitled “sonick is betterr thn marrio”, and then go on to write a half-assed, terribly-spelled article with really silly points just to be ridiculous and stupid.  The people who reply to this thread with their angry, hateful comments about how that person must be mentally challenged to have those views are the morons.  God damn motherfucking red light right there bitches.


sanic iz de bettr pokemon bcuz maryo runs slow3r




Ur an noob niggr fite me irl


*gets more upset and says more angry things and cries like a bitch, etc etc etc you get the idea*

Okay…. who is the bad guy here?  The one who went into this community looking to upset a few kids by stating an opinion they should have just been able to accept, or the ones who react to an opinion with hate and anger?  Of course, the trolls don’t actually type like that when they’re not trolling, and maybe they don’t have the opinions that they express online while they’re trolling, but they’re still opinions.  People just get upset and uncomfortable with people who have different opinions than them.  The kind of trolling I have described here is exactly what trolling should be: harmless, not personally offensive to anyone (except perhaps the troll), not personal at all.  You set out the bait (an unpopular opinion for the place you’re in), and you wait for idiots to flock around it like seagulls around a rotting mouse.

On the other side of the spectrum is what I think of as a pretty low-down and personal kind of trolling.  Say, like going on someone’s ask.fm every day of the week every two hours or so and saying something negative like “you’re fat” or “you’re disgusting”, “you’re a slut”, etc.  Or going on someone’s music covers and telling them they have a terrible singing voice, and to please get their voice boxes clipped.  Or harassing somebody enough on their own Facebook page that they’re forced to abandon it.  That’s intrusive, that’s interfering with that person’s life, and their interests and goals and happiness.  When you start to mock their existence and make their suffering a game, being just relentlessly mean, that’s not cool.  Trolls are supposed to be playful, never with the actual intention to cause anything other than a little frustration to someone.  Nothing personal, nothing long-lasting, nothing genuinely hurtful or mean.

I was never asked to plug their blog (and I never asked to, either), but I’m going to do it anyway.  Serendipity is a good fucking blog, and I recommend it highly for a lot of interesting and compelling posts about art and lots of other interesting things.  They recently wrote a blog about trolls, and a problem they had with trolls (or a singular troll, as it seems).  This post was kind of in response to it, because those who haven’t been around internet communities where trolls are regarded more as artists than annoyances don’t really understand why trolls do what they do.  They don’t understand why they like to make people’s lives miserable, and they don’t get why there exist people who could be so mean.  Truth is, most trolls are pretty friendly folks who like to joke around in a very different way than you.  Maybe some people fuckin’ hate it, but there’s not a whole lot that can be done.  So like… sorry about that.

And now, for the long-awaited answer for how to spot and deal with trolls:

Trolls are easy to identify because of a lot of things.  They follow patterns, most of them tend to act very similar because there’s a bit of a process to it.  Trolls like to share screenshots of the results of their trolling for humour purposes, so there tends to be a lot of inside jokes in the content itself (like “Jimmy Rustles”.  Never believe anyone who says their name is “Jimmy Rustles”.).  When you see people spelling way too bad, and it’s not even believable how poorly they spell, you’re probably dealing with a troll if they keep trying to start shit.    If people are throwing around racial slurs like punctuation, and trying their best to get people upset with them in that way, they’re definitely fucking trolls.  If anybody states a really absurd and ridiculous opinion, or tells a crazy story that definitely can’t be true and claims that it is, and stuff of the like, they’re trolling.  Trolls aren’t incredibly difficult to identify.

How do deal with them, though?  Don’t pay them a shred of attention.  If you’re on a site where you can block them, do it right away.  If they make another account to troll you, block that one too.  It takes way more effort for them to make another account than it takes for you to hit the little “block” button – they can make all the accounts they like, it’s only wasting their own time!  If not, don’t say anything.  Maybe drop them a comment like “obvious troll is obvious” or something along those lines, just telling them that you’re aware they’re a troll and you don’t particularly give a shit.  If they can’t get reactions out of people, they’ll go somewhere else where they can.  Reactionless people are boring.


The Milkshake Experiment

A few weeks ago, I formulated an experiment wherein I make a milkshake, and then record the number of boys who show up on my yard.  This experiment – done multiple times over the course of a few months – will eventually reveal the average number of boys to show up on my yard per milkshake.  This will make it convenient for single women looking to attract young gentlemen to their premises, and allow them to make a number of milkshakes according to how many fellas they would like to show up.  Say, if the number is 4 boys per milkshake, she would be able to make one-fourth of a milkshake for just one boy to show up, or half a milkshake if she fancies a threesome, or even make two milkshakes if she’s, well… in that kind of mood.  Having already conducted this experiment a few times, I’d like to release my findings so far to the scientific community for review, and in order to spark interest in my endeavours.

First experiment: 

8:02 pm:

The milkshake has been made, awaiting boys’ arrival.

11:54 pm:

No boys have showed up on my yard, calling off experiment.  Will attempt at a different time of day next time.

After the failure of the first experiment, I was still optimistic that a change in the time of day that it’s conducted would yield better results.  I figured starting in the morning, and running into the afternoon would be a safer bet.

Second experiment:

9:00 am:

Made milkshake, standing by for results.

11:34 am:

Mailman delivered flyers, dropped on front door step.  Boy count: 1.

12:20 pm:

Local politician came to try to coax me into voting for him.  Boy count: 2.

1:00 pm:

Calling this a day.  It appears that my idea to conduct the experiment earlier in the day was a fruitful one, I am pleased with the results.

As you can see, the total boy count between the two milkshakes was 2, meaning that (so far) the average boy/milkshake ratio is an even 1.  Also notable is that making the milkshake earlier in the day makes you far more likely to attract a boy to your yard.  If you’re looking to try this at home, but you don’t know how to make a milkshake, I suggest you learn how to properly do it first.  I could teach you personally, but I would be required to charge you for that lesson.

Until next time, my fellow scientisolololigists,


Dream Journal #2

Okay, so I’m not writing this one as soon as I wake up.  I kinda forgot to do that this morning, but that’s okay anyway – it’s another case of “I don’t think I dreamed about very much”, because not even this morning did I have much of a clue what it was about.  I remember that I was in a car travelling to Prince Edward Island, where I used to live, and I felt excited.  The dream was happy, because I saw a lot of the landmarks along the way there, I travel there maybe once a year so I’m pretty used to all the sights.  But it’s nice seeing them anyway.  I don’t know what this dream could mean, but I enjoyed it.  🙂


Bell Let’s Talk

Okay, so I’ve seen a bunch of shit about this “Bell Let’s Talk” thing where people talk about mental illness and they donate money or whatever.  I don’t think writing about it here is gonna get any money donated, and I’m not actually entirely sure how the whole thing works or what it’s all about, and I couldn’t really be fucked to look into it.  I’m not even sure if it’s still the Bell Let’s Talk day or whatever the fuck.  But, I do suffer from a mental illness known as anxiety, and I’m going to share my experience with it:

Now, all my life I was never a particularly normal kid.  I didn’t really like going outside that much, I hated (and still fucking hate) getting my hands dirty, I wouldn’t play in the mud with the other boys, etc.  Part of the reason I didn’t like going outside, other than how dirty it was, was because bees were there.  I always did (and still do) have an irrational fear of bees, and anything bee-like.  This is partially, if not completely, because my big sister told me when I was probably two years old that bees would, given the opportunity, eat me alive and leave nothing but bone behind.  Now, these days I realize that bees aren’t capable of such a feat – and if there exist bees that are capable of it, they’re deserving of the human flesh they can reap because of such a highly impressive accomplishment – but the fear stays with me still.  I know, after having being stung by a bee, that bee stings aren’t even particularly painful.  Still, the fear of bees stays with me.  Nobody ever really thought much of it until a few years ago, when I started having anxiety attacks.

Other than my irrational fear of bees up to this point in my life, I still was an incredibly nervous and “troubled” child.  I have a lot of nervous twitches and isms and fears that I shouldn’t have, and I obsess over details and get anxious when my obsessions can’t be satisfied.  Honestly, we probably should have realized that I had anxiety sooner, and we didn’t actually know what was wrong with me.  When I had anxiety attacks, I had no idea that they were anxiety attacks, and I was pretty convinced I was going to die every time (which kinda amped up the anxiety I was feeling a little bit, given that I thought I was fighting for my life).  So, a psychologist finally got to the bottom of the mystery, which probably wasn’t all that difficult because it was blatantly fucking obvious, and I got on some Prozac and went along my merry way.  After months of therapy, and 6 months of taking Prozac, and lots of pushing myself to the limit and suffering through things that made me scared on purpose in order to show my brain that the fight or flight mechanisms weren’t really necessary in the situations that it thought they were necessary in, I really made a lot of progress.  This was about 4 years ago, and it’s been a good 3 1/2 years since I’ve had another anxiety attack, and hopefully that lasts.  Thanks for reading my story.


Daily Prompt: BFFs

You gave way for a new paradigm on how to live my life

And a completely new and more peaceful, happier lifestyle did indeed follow

But peace and happiness aren’t exactly all you’ve ever stood for

Regardless of how you like to come off outwardly to people


Three long years of my life were spent in dedication to you

Dedication to the idea that I could spend the rest of my life happily 

In your care, and under your control, because control was kind of your thing

And being controlled was kind of mine


You’re a prime example of just how fast people can change

In the blink of an eye, I’m staring at a completely new person

A new person that I love equally as much as the old

But a new person that I understand and identify with much less


And there goes an innocent little girl, who loves to joke and play

And who loves music and snowy days and profound conversations

There goes “true love”, and here comes the new you

And all I can see is just a series of changes, all for the worst


The last time I saw her was to buy marijuana from her outside of Giant Tiger a few months ago.  I still think I miss her dearly, but I don’t like to admit that to myself.


Dream Journal #1

So here I am, at 1:45 PM, just waking up… so, with the taste of the first sip of my morning coffee in my mouth, and those little crusty sleepy things in the corners of my eyes, let me tell you all about my dream!

Or I would tell you all about it… if I could remember many details…

The unfortunate thing is, I can’t really remember all that much.  I was at my school, in the kitchen (there’s a separate little building for the kitchen at my school), and I was making myself breakfast.  So, honestly, not entirely eventful.  I do remember, though, a lot of commotion, and I don’t really like commotion.  Folks were bumping into each other and dropping things and making a lot of noise and my heart was racing but I was trying to visually keep my cool.  And then suddenly, everybody wanted my attention and was trying to talk to me, but I didn’t want to talk to any of them so I ignored them all and just went about my business, but they were all gathered around me still, trying to catch my attention.  And I just kept ignoring them, getting more and more nervous and frightened.  And then I woke up.

I’m not sure what I think this dream means.  A new semester at my school is about to start (I go to a “special” school, we maintain a population of about 14), and we’re getting a new bunch of people.  During this semester, the folks I go to school with have become close with each other, and adding a bunch of newbies tends to be a stressful thing.  So, I’m thinking that my dream was probably just me worrying about that.


“Love what you …

“Love what you can, love what you can ’till it dies.”
-White Face, Black Eyes by Andrew Jackson Jihad

Thank you, God

Thank you, God, for war and tears
And hate, and fears
And wasted years

But that’s just all you are.

And lives that you’ve made useless
Because they dedicated themselves
To something that causes so much suffering

All these good people who have been tricked
Tricked into thinking that maybe they’re
Standing up for something that spreads love, not hate

But that’s not what you are.

So thank you, God, for ruined lives
And beaten wives
And all those lies.


My parents always did tell me to thank God for all the things he’s given us!  I think this pretty much sums it up.


Dream journal intro

Howdy folks,

I’ve been considering starting to take a dream journal for quite some time, but I never really got around to it.  So, starting tomorrow morning, when I wake up I’m going to immediately write down everything I can remember about any dreams that I had that night.  The idea is that eventually I’ll be able to recognise patterns in my dreams, and I’ll be able to distinguish between when I’m dreaming and when I’m awake; and of course, when you’re able to recognize when you’re asleep, you’re able to have lucid dreams.  I don’t really have any specific reason for wanting to have lucid dreams, but they do sound pretty fucking cool.  Anybody who also wants participate in this endeavour is greatly encouraged to keep and/or publish their own dream journal, and perhaps we can get some interesting discussions going as a result.  Leave a comment and tell me if you’re going to be posting your own!

Tips for achieving a lucid dream (that I’ve seen repeatedly all over the web):

  • During your (supposed) wakefulness, do little “consciousness tests” where you do such things as flick a light switch a few times to see how it reacts, or look at your watch or some other clock.  Light switches apparently don’t react correctly during a dream, and watches don’t keep time that makes sense, because your brain’s perception of time is fucked.  If you can make these things a habit, you’ll eventually start doing them in your dreams and you’ll be able to notice when something’s off, thus cluing your mind in to the fact that you’re not in the physical world any more.
  • When you know you’re in a dream and you feel yourself slipping back into wakefulness (due to your mind being exposed to so much sensory shit and feeling like it’s awake), look at the floor and spin around in circles in your dream.  This makes you concentrate on the dream, and brings you back into it.
  • Try to discuss and really think deeply about your dreams when you’re awake.  Try to think about what they mean, what your mind is trying to tell you, and try to identify patterns (like, for instance, “I always always always see one particular dog” or something silly like that).  That way, you’ll be able to notice when something that only happens in your dreams is happening.

I’m going to try really hard to actually make time for this, because it sounds like it’ll be really interesting.  I hope we can get some good discussions happening, and perhaps discover some deeper things about ourselves.